diff --git a/.github/ISSUE_TEMPLATE/bug_report.md b/.github/ISSUE_TEMPLATE/bug_report.md
index 5cd0918..359d812 100644
--- a/.github/ISSUE_TEMPLATE/bug_report.md
+++ b/.github/ISSUE_TEMPLATE/bug_report.md
@@ -1,26 +1,29 @@
 ---
 name: 🐞 Bug Report
-about: Report a bug to help improve Self-Hosted Sentry
+about: Report a bug in Self-Hosted Sentry
 ---
 
-## Version Information
+### Version Information
 
 Version: *VERSION HERE*
 
+### Steps to Reproduce
 
-## Description
+1. What
+2. you
+3. did.
 
-[What happened]
+### Expected Result
 
-## Steps to Reproduce
+What you thought would happen.
 
-1. [First Step]
-2. [Second Step]
-3. and so on.
+### Actual Result
 
-## Logs
+What actually happened. Maybe a screenshot/recording?
 
-Please share any applicable logs:
+### Logs
 
-- `ls -1 sentry_install_log-*.txt | tail -1 | xargs cat` # latest instal logs
+What you saw along the way, e.g.:
+
+- latest install logs: `ls -1 sentry_install_log-*.txt | tail -1 | xargs cat`
 - `docker-compose logs` output
diff --git a/.github/ISSUE_TEMPLATE/feature_request.md b/.github/ISSUE_TEMPLATE/feature_request.md
index bb8c4ee..32e32f2 100644
--- a/.github/ISSUE_TEMPLATE/feature_request.md
+++ b/.github/ISSUE_TEMPLATE/feature_request.md
@@ -1,28 +1,18 @@
 ---
-name: 🧠  Feature request
-about: Suggest an idea for this project
-
+name: 🧠 Feature Request
+about: Suggest an idea for improving Self-Hosted Sentry
 ---
 
-<!--
-
-Note that the Sentry team has finite resources and priorities that are not
-always visible on GitHub. If your issue doesn't align with our priorities, it's
-unlikely it will be worked on. If we're interested in a particular feature however,
-we'll follow up and ask you to submit an RFC to discuss it in more detail.
-
--->
-
-## Summary
+### Summary
 
 One paragraph description of the feature.
 
-## Motivation
+### Motivation
 
 Why should this be worked on? What problems or use cases does it solve or
 improve?
 
-## Additional Context
+### Additional Context
 
 Any other context or screenshots or API request payload/responses that
 pertain to the feature.
diff --git a/.github/workflows/validate-new-issue.yml b/.github/workflows/validate-new-issue.yml
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..3252396
--- /dev/null
+++ b/.github/workflows/validate-new-issue.yml
@@ -0,0 +1,36 @@
+name: Validate new issue
+on:
+  issues:
+    types: ['opened']
+jobs:
+  validate-new-issue:
+    runs-on: ubuntu-latest
+    steps:
+    - uses: actions/checkout@v2
+    - name: "Validate issue against templates"
+      shell: bash
+      run: |
+        # Look for a template where the headings match this issue's
+        echo "${{ github.event.issue.body }}" > issue-body
+        for template in $(ls .github/ISSUE_TEMPLATE/*.md 2> /dev/null); do
+          echo -n "$(basename $template)? "
+          # <() is process substitution - https://superuser.com/a/1060002
+          if diff -rub <(grep '^#' $template) <(grep '^#' issue-body) > /dev/null; then
+            echo "👍 💃"
+            exit 0
+          else
+            echo "👎"
+          fi
+        done
+
+        # Failed to find a match! Close the issue.
+        echo "${{ github.token }}" | gh auth login --with-token
+        cat << EOF > comment
+        {"body": "Sorry, friend. As far as this ol' bot can tell, your issue does not use one of this repo's available issue templates. Please [try again using a template](https://github.com/${{ github.repository }}/issues/new/choose) so that we have the best chance of understanding and addressing your issue. (And if I'm confused, please [let us know](https://github.com/getsentry/.github/issues/new?title=template+enforcer+is+confused&body=${{ github.event.issue.html_url }}). 😬)\n\n----\n\n[![Did you see the memo about this?](https://user-images.githubusercontent.com/134455/104515469-e04a9c80-55c0-11eb-8e15-ffe9c0b8dd7f.gif)](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fy3rjQGc6lA)"}
+        EOF
+
+        # Might get `gh issue comment` some day - https://github.com/cli/cli/issues/517
+        gh api "https://api.github.com/repos/${{ github.repository }}/issues/${{ github.event.issue.number }}/comments" \
+          --method POST \
+          --input comment
+        gh issue close ${{ github.event.issue.number }}